When "Aggressive" Really Means "Accountable"

I didn’t expect my early October post to go viral.

But 500 people around the world engaged with it. Twenty-five reposted it. What started as one client's story turned into a collective exhale from leaders who finally felt seen.

A client held her team to deadlines and high standards. Most rose to meet them. A few didn't and called her "aggressive" for using the same approach her male peers applied without comment.

Here's what I shared:

When someone gave her feedback about her "style," she looked him straight in the eye and said: "Mike, I'm gonna take that as a compliment. And yes, you're right. I will make sure things get done."

I posted the story. Then the floodgates opened.

The majority of comments came from women who thanked me for putting language to their reality.

One exited founder celebrated: "Firm, direct, blunt, assertive, outspoken. You name it. Better than the opposite."

A male exec cut through the noise: "What gets called 'aggressive' in women is often just accountability with a spine."

Another executive coach named what's really happening: "What gets dismissed in women as aggression is frequently the very leadership muscle organizations need most: clarity, courage, and follow-through."

The leaders I work with often arrive at a crossroads. They've been successful by being well-liked. They've built strong cultures. But they sense something is missing—the edge, the momentum, the capacity to push through to the next level.

What's missing is almost always the same thing: the willingness to make bold moves that inspire action and risk temporary discomfort for permanent growth.

I'm not encouraging anyone to bulldoze through people. But when leaders hold the line and stay strong in hard moments, they create environments where people stretch and grow.

When leaders demonstrate that they value and respect the effort their team members are contributing, they build high-performance organizations where the level of play becomes higher than the participants ever expected.

These are the teams that win. The leaders who advance. The organizations that scale.

Some people may gripe when you raise the bar. But many will rise to meet it and thank you later.

The question isn't whether discomfort will happen. It's whether you're willing to lead through it.