Building Trust When Stability Is Scarce

I had an ambitious and earnest client whose 1:1 with her boss never lasted more than 15 minutes. She knew he prioritized efficiency. The only problem was that this version of efficiency wasn't working. It was becoming a wall.

When I asked her what she knew about her manager beyond work, she came up short. His motivations, what was weighing on him, what he cared about outside the office. She didn't have much. Surface-level at best. And I'd bet he couldn't answer the same about her.

That's where trust breaks down: not in the big moments, but in the 15-minute status updates where nothing real ever gets said.

Why this matters right now

There's a particular kind of instability in the air right now. Not one big crisis, but a steady drip. A teammate who was here last month quietly isn't anymore. A restructure that reshuffles reporting lines overnight. A return-to-office mandate that lands like a statement about trust rather than a policy about space and culture. For many of the leaders I work with, the ground doesn't feel as solid as it did a year ago. And their teams feel it too.

When things are uncertain, people don't need more information. They need proof that someone actually sees them.

We can't control whether there's another round of cuts or another policy shift. But we can control how we show up for the people right in front of us.

Your 1:1s are where that happens. They're the one recurring space where a leader has the chance to build something real with each person on their team, individually, not just as a group. And most leaders are spending that time on project updates.

At a client's recent offsite, we used Will Guidara's Unreasonable Hospitality as a framework for rethinking how the leadership team showed up for each other. In one of the early exercises, team members answered a question I love: "Why do you work here, beyond the paycheck?" Every answer was different. And it reminded the group that they were connected by more than a quarterly plan.

That was a team moment, the kind that reinforces culture and deepens how people relate to each other. Your 1:1s are where it gets personal.

What happened when she tried something different

My client, the VP with the 15-minute meetings, wasn't convinced that small talk was the answer. It felt unfocused and unproductive. Like padding. But she tried it anyway.

We set a simple goal: get the meeting to 20 minutes. Then 25. Then 30. Same agenda. More space around it.

She started learning things about her boss. What was going on at home. What motivated him beyond the next quarter. Where he felt pressure that he wasn't sharing with the team.

What happened in those extra minutes surprised her. The working relationship opened up. She started seeing ways her team's work could connect to his bigger priorities, connections she never would have made from a project update. He started offering input she hadn't thought to ask for.

Fifteen minutes of status updates never would have gotten them there.

The questions that actually open things up

Most check-ins start with "How are you?" and get "Fine" in return. We all know this dance. It's going through the motions.

What doesn't work: jumping straight to project updates, or asking how someone is while clearly waiting to move on. People can tell when a question is a formality.

What does work: questions that invite something real.

Here are a few I've been using with clients to get started.

To warm up:

• How are you, really?

• What's been keeping you up at night lately?

• What's giving you energy right now?

• If you had an extra hour in your day, what would you do with it?

To go deeper:

• Beyond supporting yourself and your family, why do you work here?

• What issues in the world are you most moved to address?

• Who are one or two people whose influence has most shaped your work or leadership style?

To end on a human note:

• If you could have dinner with anyone, current or historical, who would it be?

• What's a book, movie, or podcast that's stayed with you recently? And why?

You don't need to use them all. I don't. I pick two or three based on where the person seems to be that day. Sometimes the energy conversation opens something up. Sometimes the "why do you work here" question surfaces something neither of you expected.

The key lies in the approach: 

• Pick the question that matches the person. Don’t appear as if you’re running through a list.

• Ask the questions in a way that demonstrates you are genuinely interested in their response.

  
  

These aren't interview questions. They're invitations.

Then show them you heard them

I don't always get this right, by the way. There are weeks where I default to the status update too, where I'm moving fast and skip the real question. But when I catch myself, I try to ask one authentic question before we get into the agenda. Even one changes the temperature of the conversation.

But here's the part most people skip: the follow-through.

The questions open the door. The follow-through is what builds trust.

Follow up in your next 1:1 on something they mentioned. Stop by their desk a few days later. Send them a link to something that connects to what they shared. Reference a challenge they brought up and ask how it's going.

It doesn't need to be big. My client with the 15-minute meetings started with something small: her boss remembered a challenge she'd mentioned and brought it up the following week. That was it. A single callback that was proof he'd actually listened.

It feels small when you do it. It doesn't feel small to them.

How you'll know something is shifting

The shifts are subtle, but you’ll notice.

They'll bring up something personal without you asking. They'll flag a problem earlier than they used to, because they trust you enough to surface it before it's a crisis. They'll push back on an idea instead of just nodding, because the relationship can hold disagreement now.

And when you need to ask something hard of them, the tough feedback or the weekend push, they'll lean in instead of pulling away. Not because they owe you. Because something real has been built between you.

The trust dividend

That’s what I call the trust dividend.

It compounds. Every genuine conversation and small follow-through, every moment where someone feels seen, accumulates. And it pays out when you need it most, in the moments you didn't see coming.

In a time when so much feels uncertain, trust might be one of the few things we can actually build. Not through grand gestures. Through the 15 minutes we're already spending, just spending it differently.

I write about leadership, trust, and the conversations that shape how we show up at work. If this resonated, I'd love for you to share it with a leader who could use it this week. And if you'd like more, subscribe to my newsletter below or follow along on LinkedIn.